To develop a healthy mindset as a parent, you need to have a clear vision of what you want your family to become. This is your “why” or purpose. With this in place, you can create a strong mindset and start building on what aligns with that purpose.

For me, breaking the cycle of divorce in my family was crucial. My children grew up with eight grandparents due to multiple divorces in previous generations. My husband and I were determined that once we had children, divorce would never be an option. We decided to give ourselves five years of marriage before bringing children into the picture. While many couples have different timelines, this worked for us.

Once we had children, we found it much more challenging to communicate with each other. It was taxing on the marriage. We found ourselves getting into arguments and disagreements we had never had before. I never wanted our kids to hear us fight, so I would arrange for a babysitter so we could go out and have our arguments in private. Whether you can do this or not, the point is that we continued to communicate until we resolved our issues. It was rough at times, but what made us strong was knowing what we were both aiming for and having basic agreements in place.

Key Takeaways

Active Listening

Pay attention and show interest in what each family member says. It validates their feelings and opinions. Avoid preparing your response while the other person is speaking because it means you aren't truly listening.

The Battle is Not with Your Spouse

Focus on handling internal conflicts so that you can concentrate on the bigger picture. Once we understood our shared goals, conflicts became less frequent. When they did arise, they were usually due to an external influence entering our marriage or because our goals weren't big enough.

Express Feelings

Encourage sharing of thoughts and emotions. It builds trust and understanding. Always acknowledge by saying, “I heard you” or “I understand.” Avoid using “but” as it can negate what the other person has said.

Conflict Resolution

Address disagreements calmly and constructively. Take a moment to evaluate the problem and remind yourself that you are in this together. Find your responsibilities within the problem. If you don’t feel responsible for the upset, take 100% responsibility for it. This often leads to your spouse taking some responsibility too. It prevents misunderstandings and strengthens relationships.