Raising your kids to embody core values isn’t just about telling them what’s right or wrong—it’s about showing them through your actions, your words, and even how you interact with the media they consume. Kids learn through mimicry, often absorbing far more than you realize. While you may set stellar examples of integrity and kindness, your kids are also watching TV shows, movies, and the smallest moments in daily life—and that’s where they pick up things you didn’t intend.

Mimicry Happens in the Smallest Moments

One memory stands out for me when my older son was about four years old. We were watching Toy Story, a movie so many of us love, and there’s a scene where Woody, in a fit of frustration, yells, “Shut up! Just shut up!” I didn’t think much of it at the time, but the next day, when his three-year-old brother was upsetting him, my sweet boy turned around and shouted, “Shut up! Just shut up!”—anger and all. I was floored. I’d never seen that kind of emotion from him before, and now, thanks to mimicry, I also had a three-year-old echoing those same words.

While it might seem cute at first, moments like these force you to ask: does this align with your family’s moral code? And more importantly, how do you respond in a way that teaches your child what really matters?

The Danger of Extremes: Strict Control vs. Unlimited Freedom

Different parents handle these situations in different ways. Some opt for strict limits, banning screens entirely to avoid undesirable behaviors. Others might let their kids watch whatever they want, no restrictions. I knew early on that I needed to find a balance.

Take my own childhood as an example. My parents were incredibly strict about sugar—no sweets allowed. Yet, they both had the biggest sweet tooth imaginable! This double standard made me an expert at sneaking sweets from the cabinet and fridge. I would hide what I took and feel nervous every time they pulled out the ice cream, thinking they might discover I’d already gotten to it. This constant sneaking wasn’t just stressful for me—it made me feel guilty and broke down communication with my parents. The relief I felt when I finally told them about what I had done was noticeable, and it actually restored a sense of connection. But this experience gave me a unique perspective: it wasn’t about my parents or how they felt. It was about me, my actions, and how it all made me feel. I knew I did not want to put my own children in that position. I didn’t want to replicate that dynamic with my own kids, whether it was about food or screen time. But I also didn’t want them exposed to things that went against the values we held as a family.

So, what’s the middle ground? It’s not just about what your kids watch—it’s about how you respond to it and the conversations you have afterward. That’s where the real teaching happens.

Finding a Balanced Approach: Lessons From the "Toy Story Effect"

Here’s how I navigated screen time and media in our home, turning even problematic moments into teachable ones:

1. Respond to Content, Don’t Just Ban It

When something came up that went against our family’s core values, I used it as an opportunity to talk with my kids about why it wasn’t okay. Believe it or not, my first example wasn’t Toy Story or Star Wars but Winnie the Pooh! Even in that seemingly innocent world, there were moments where characters acted selfishly or out of integrity. I’d say something like, “Wow, Rabbit is like a grumpy old man!” And the boys would notice it. This wasn’t about diving into how it made them feel—it was just getting them to see it for themselves. Over time, this became second nature. By the time we got to Star Wars, my kids were spotting behaviors that went against our values and calling them out on their own.

2. Screen Media With Purpose

I didn’t let my kids watch just anything. I’d ask myself three key questions:

• Do I want my child to mimic this behavior?

• Does this go against our core values?

• What message is this movie or show delivering?

Growing up in Los Angeles, I knew how much control writers, directors, and producers have over the messages they share. Whether consciously or not, those messages influence kids and families. It’s important to be aware of this so you can make thoughtful decisions about what enters your home. Try it yourself—pick a subject that seems to be rampant today and look at TV shows from five years ago. A lot of the time, it is introduced as a 'standing up' message, but really, it is an introduction of something into society.

3. Look for Teachable Moments

Some shows and movies have incredible value because they open the door to rich discussions. For example, breaking down Winnie the Pooh taught my boys about friendship and kindness. Later, analyzing Star Wars together led to one of the biggest takeaways for my family: understanding Darth Vader’s journey. We broke down how fear led him down the path of darkness, but it was the integrity breaks and transgressions against his group that kept him stuck there. The Emperor was able to control him and use him for evil because of this. But when Darth Vader realized that wasn’t who he truly was, he struck a blow to the Emperor and returned to being a Jedi. The lesson? My kids learned that there is always a solution to getting back on the right side, and there is nothing that can keep them in the dark side. They understood this from a very young age, and it has stayed with them ever since.

Even everyday content can become a way to teach critical thinking. Ask your kids questions like:

• “What would you have done in that situation?”

• “How does this align with the values we believe in?”

• “What do you think the character learned?”

Teaching Core Values Is a Lifelong Practice

The beauty of parenting is that it’s a journey. You don’t have to get it all right at once. What matters most is your willingness to stay consistent and intentional, even in the small moments—because those are the ones your kids will carry with them.

Start with the media they consume, but don’t stop there. Let your actions align with your values. Show them how to navigate challenges and think critically. Over time, you’ll see the “Jedi” in them emerge—the part of them that knows how to choose integrity, kindness, and strength.

So, the next time you sit down to watch a movie with your family, remember: it’s not just about entertainment. It’s about connection, conversation, and teaching your kids to live by the values that matter most.

PS: You can watch the movie clip here where Buzz and Woody are at the gas station.  CLICK HERE