As parents, we all face those moments that make us cringe. The ones where our child’s behavior leaves us mortified and questioning our parenting abilities. I’ll never forget the time my son became “The Biter.” One morning, he woke up proudly declaring, “I’m Tyrannosaurus Rex!” It was adorable, right up until I got a call from preschool informing me that he had bitten several classmates.

I was horrified. My mind raced with questions: Why didn’t I see this coming? Where did I go wrong? But what hit me hardest were the judgments and comments from other parents and even teachers. I was asked things like, “Do you bite your child?” or “Why can’t you control your kids?” The sting of their words sent me spiraling into a mix of defensiveness and shame.

When Emotions Take Over

In that moment, my mama-bear instincts took over. I knew my child was in the wrong, but the combination of judgment and my own guilt left me feeling out of control. I reacted defensively, which only fueled the tension. Looking back, I see now how much I needed a plan—a clear path to handle situations like this without losing my composure.

Hindsight, as they say, is a blessing. If I could go back, here’s the lesson I wish I had known 23 years ago: When you have clear goals and plans for your parenting, you can handle the unexpected with confidence and clarity.

Learning to Respond, Not React

One of the toughest challenges of parenting is keeping calm when the unexpected happens. The truth is, we’re going to face uncomfortable moments. But by having a plan in place, we can respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally.

For instance, with the biting incident, I didn’t know how to discipline a two-year-old in a way that would align with my long-term goals. The truth is, I wasn’t the one who ultimately solved this problem. My father was visiting that week, and during our conversation about the issue, my son bit him. Without hesitation, my dad bit him back—just enough to make him cry. That was the last time my son ever bit anyone.

Now, I’m not advocating for biting your kids as a disciplinary strategy. What this moment taught me was the importance of having a plan—a predetermined approach to address behavior in a way that aligns with your parenting goals. It’s about knowing what actions you’ll take so you can remain composed, even when emotions run high.

The Power of a Parenting Plan

Having a clear plan isn’t about eliminating all of life’s messy moments. It’s about preparing for them so you can parent with intention rather than reacting out of frustration or fear. Here’s how to start:

1. Define Your Parenting Goals: What qualities do you want your child to develop? Whether it’s kindness, responsibility, or self-control, having a vision gives you direction.
2. Anticipate Challenges: Think about behaviors or situations that might arise (like biting) and decide how you’ll address them in alignment with your goals.
3. Prepare for External Judgments: Recognize that judgment from others is inevitable. When you have clarity on your goals and actions, their opinions hold less power.
4. Practice Emotional Regulation: When emotions run high, take a moment to breathe and center yourself. Responding from a place of calm allows you to lead with confidence.

Staying Focused Amid Criticism

When our children’s behavior becomes a public spectacle, the opinions of others can feel crushing. But here’s the truth: You are the one guiding your child, not the outside world. By focusing on your family’s goals and values, you can stay grounded and navigate even the most cringe-worthy moments with grace.

The next time you find yourself in a challenging situation, ask yourself:

• What is the lesson I want my child to learn here?
• How can I address this in a way that aligns with our goals?

Parenting isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being purposeful. And when you approach those tough moments with a plan, you’ll find yourself less rattled by external judgments and more confident in your role as a parent.