How to Restore Communication with a Rebellious Teen

Parenting is a journey full of challenges, and one of the most perplexing situations a parent can face is when their teen starts rebelling. What does this rebellion mean, and why does it feel so personal? By definition, it's an attempt to end the authority—your authority. When a teen stops listening, struggles in school, and shows troubling behavior, it's a clear sign that something is amiss.

The Sherlock Holmes Approach

Resolving this situation often begins by rewinding to when your child was doing well. What circumstances surrounded those moments of cooperation and academic success? Were there routines, trust, or particular events that contributed to their positive behavior? Put on your metaphorical "Sherlock Holmes" thinking cap, for you're about to embark on a detective mission within your family dynamic. To understand what triggered the revolt, investigate the clues that led to this point.

Loss of Trust

One potential culprit in the case of a rebellious child is a loss of trust. Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy parent-child relationship, and its absence can lead to rebellion. It's not just the child losing your trust but also vice versa. Trust is a two-way street. When there are hidden transgressions, trust begins to falter. It's not about finding out what your child did but about restoring communication and trust. This is where things can be tricky. No parent wants to discover their child using drugs or engaging in other risky behaviors, but this can happen. The question is, can you muster the courage to let your child tell you?

The overriding importance of keeping your relationship strong is communication. If communication has faltered, then you must restore it. This is one of the toughest parts of parenting. Make it known that communication is the most important thing to you and make it safe for your child to tell you what's going on.

There is another perspective to consider. It takes courage to engage in honest self-reflection, which can be humbling. Did you break your promise one too many times? Did you embarrass your child in front of friends? This is not about asserting who is right and who is wrong but about finding out what happened and fixing it together.

Understanding Academic Struggles

Sometimes, rebellion can be linked to incidents at school. Perhaps your child experienced bullying, which led to a decline in their behavior and academic performance. It's crucial to communicate with your child's school to understand any underlying issues. In some cases, the root cause may be academic. Your child might be struggling with a particular lesson, subject, or learning style that leaves them feeling frustrated and defeated. Identifying these academic challenges early can make a significant difference in addressing them effectively.

Communication is Key

During this detective work, open and empathetic communication with your child is essential. They need to feel safe and heard, even if they're not initially forthcoming about what's bothering them. Create a space where they can share their thoughts, fears, and concerns without fear of judgment.

I once faced a situation where a student in my school was rebelling and had no interest in any sort of authority, be it his mother's or any of my staff. He had suffered a very traumatic situation in his life, and his acting out had gotten him expelled from a few schools. This gave him a very negative view of school staff. I accepted him into my school.

One day, I was alerted that he had climbed to the top of a tree in the playground and would not come down. Instead of getting upset with him, we had a chat. I asked him how the view was from so high up, and he liked it. I then told him that the preschool was about to come out for their break and if they saw him up in the tree, they would be likely to climb up themselves. He told me that it would not be safe for them to do so, and at that moment, he came down.

I worked with both him and his mother to help them move through this time. He is now a successful adult doing remarkable things in the music industry.

In conclusion, dealing with a rebellious teen is a complex puzzle that requires careful consideration, investigation, and, most importantly, patience. By retracing your steps, understanding potential triggers like trust issues or incidents at school, and maintaining open communication, you can unlock the mystery and guide your child back to a path of cooperation and success. Building an unbreakable family takes work. There may be moments of uncertainty, maybe even a few tears shed, but in the long run, it is totally worth it.