How to Be a Responsive Parent, Even When They're Driving You Crazy!

As your child develops, you encounter significant changes in life. How do you empathize and gain a better understanding of your child? We all want the very best for our kids, right? But what happens when bliss turns into agony, or when parenting becomes the biggest challenge you'll undertake?

Let's focus on the middle school years for a moment. I remember being a high school teacher and feeling thankful that I wasn’t teaching middle school. Pre-teen boys bouncing off the walls, testing their boundaries every day—my friend would come into the break room looking so haggard, telling stories that I knew would push my limits. I was grateful to be teaching high school!

At that time, with two young boys already testing their teachers, I wondered what lay ahead for me as a parent. Well, that day came! That sleepy-eyed, lethargic, can't-wake-up-in-the-morning kid arrived, and he was in my home! I mean, what the heck! How did everything become so challenging?

I started to look like that middle school teacher! And those moments when I totally lost it (aka a mommy meltdown), the guilt that followed was inconceivable. I went from feeling like I was doing it somewhat right to wondering if I was a total failure as a parent.

I sought advice from those who had already been through this phase. I heard phrases like, "this too shall pass," or received judgmental advice on how I shouldn't lose my temper. I literally had dreams about that damn caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland telling me to "keep my temper!"

I managed to navigate this time and realized that I had to make some significant adjustments in the household. I couldn't rely on my parenting skills from yesteryear, as they just didn't work. I did get a great piece of advice: they are working to grow up and become adults.

That ounce of guidance opened the door to refocusing on my parenting skills.

Here are my takeaways that worked for me:

1. I identified what my goal was as a mom.

2. I discovered my children's interests in this new phase of life.

3. I adjusted their chores and responsibilities to better match their abilities.

4. We developed a new understanding of discipline and consequences that were better aligned with their needs.

5. We established new agreements with the focus being that the most important value in the household is communication.

6. I created a safe space for them to tell me anything—nothing good came out of my reactionary responses ever!

In the end, we got through this time with a strong and unbreakable bond that has proven to last. It wasn't always easy, and I made mistakes, but my boys recognized how hard I was trying, and they reciprocated.